I was in New York when news broke that Bombay was under attack. For someone who’s been born and raised in this magnificent city, this is easily one of the most shattering things to hear - and see. And that’s all I could do. Glued to my television in a hotel room far too far away from where this massacre was taking place, I absorbed everything I saw and everything I heard. Everyone had a sound byte. Everyone had to come out and express his or her opinion; The NSG should be applauded. The Media should be praised. Certain politicians should be bashed. I agree with most of what’s already been said. Some have been eloquent and some have sounded like loud, misinformed banshees. Collectively we’re grappling with the ineffectiveness of the system and what was presented to us as information. Politicians, soulless and emotionless, were addressing the country while reading off of Teleprompters. Can you not feeling anything? Can you say nothing to make us feel just a little more secure in your hands? Poorly conducted “press conferences” announcing the death and casualty toll for foreigners with the speaker unable to successfully read a list from a sheet of paper, confusing Austria for Australia and generally making us look like illiterate idiots to a global audience. It left me embarrassed and struggling to find pride in our government.

I can’t offer a unique perspective on this yet because my grievances at this moment are primarily observations on humanity. The most common thing I hear from people is, “I want to do something, but what can I do?” The answer to this question has resulted in candlelight vigils and sms’s to wear black clothes or light a candle in our windows to show support and solidarity. It’s all very well and good because it is therapeutic. Our natural instincts veer us towards acting out – or at least towards being more active. In times like these, it becomes a challenge to look at the big picture. Terror attacks, massive loss of life – the reality eventually forces you to look at how we react individually and as a collective community. But I had to ask myself, when was the last time we lit a candle for a relationship that ended?

I get a certain amount of criticism for making films that encapsulate interpersonal relationships and family dynamics. Some say I create melodrama over relationships but it’s because these are the everyday dramas of our lives. A few days ago the problems plaguing us were issues concerning estranged relationships with family members, that fight you had with your sister or that impending break up with your lover. Our focus has now shifted to something so much bigger than us, but in order to fight this fear, in order to regain confidence as a city, we must strengthen ourselves. We must fix our problems at home before we can tackle attacks from outside.

The hypocrisy unnerves me. We have issues with political figures, but how are we at home with our parents? We can’t fix anything on the outside until we fix our equations on the inside. The universe has given us a body of relationships that we have a right to live up to – and we have no business expending our energies on vocalizing disdain towards the system or typing out petitions for change until we create peace in our individual worlds. Only then can we have peace on the streets. Only then can we truly be fit to fight.

A lot of anger has been spewing and stewing, and now seems like the perfect time to point fingers and run our throats hoarse. Everyone has a theory and most have taken a stance on something without allowing facts to surface. People criticized the media coverage, but how about acknowledging the tremendous amounts of bravery that went into tirelessly reporting horror and carnage? A load of what was showing up on my TV was perhaps misinformation, but for the most part, I felt an undeniable pride towards the journalists who risked their lives to report some version of the truth. They had educated opinions and I wondered what would happen if certain members of the media were put in parliament. Doesn’t sound like such a bad idea right now, does it?

In our every day lives where maybe we went to Tiffin for lunch or did some window-shopping at the Taj, we now feel unsafe in our cars with tinted windows and our buildings with multiple watchmen. We now feel what a section of the city’s lower-middle class felt on July 11th, 2006 when their security was threatened. Affluent members of society now prance around panels claiming Bombay is no longer safe. This city isn’t safe now, nor was it safe 2 years ago.

This one particular observation deserves a mention because it summarizes our biggest strength and weakness as a city. My friend Niranajan, a gifted writer, put across with remarkable simplicity that, “The only people who did anything to mention over the past 3 days were the NSG who quietly came in, stoically risked their lives, killed our enemies, walked out onto the debris filled streets, boarded red BEST buses and went home.”

I returned home from my trip and went and hugged my mother. We didn’t have an issue to sort out. We’re fine and always will be. But just in case, just to be able to sleep better at night, I had to make sure the simple threads that make up my life were strong and in tact. Only then did I feel fit to tackle the situation outside. But I have to ask, how fit do you feel?